I watched Sex and the City the other night. The movie. The one where Big and Carrie decide to get married, but then Big leaves Carrie at the alter and then they get back together by the end of the movie.
How unoriginal. How shitty. How absolutely horrible. How dare they tell us a lie? One big fat lie.
There's never been and never will be a love story about a man who drags his feet for 10 years and then wakes up one day and decides, hmmm... you know? I do love her.
Because men don't work that way. Hell, people don't work that way!
That's not what love is. Love isn't convenient. Love isn't butterflies and cupcakes. Its dedication, work, and a lot of other not so fucking fun stuff. But that's the stuff that makes love count. It's the stuff that makes it all worth it. It's the stuff that makes a person in love not feel like... well, a side note.
I was a side note once. It wasn't fun. Let me retract that, it was sometimes fun. And by sometimes... I mean it was fun when it was convenient for him and when his other half wasn't around.
I know what you're thinking...How could I? and How dare me? and Where are my morals? Values? and Didn't my mother teach me any better?
And she did. And I know. And I'm sorry, I misplaced my morals for a minute and now I have them back. No worries.
But I want you to know, I learned my lesson. I truly did. And not just the lesson about Jesus not liking a mistress.
But the lesson about myself. About my worth, my value, my esteem. And how that all goes to shit when you allow yourself to be a side note. When you allow yourself to take on the role of Carrie, and him to take on the role of Big.
Carrie and Big aren't real. And you and him--whoever the fuck he is--shouldn't be either. Because after all you've been through so far, and all you've accomplished, you deserve the world. I know I do.
I wish I could put this more eloquently, and get you to clearly see exactly where I'm coming from. But that would take at least a whole weekend and a bottle of red wine or two.
My point here, what I want to stress the most...stop being a side note. Stop being the second choice, the option, the maybe, the when I feel like it. The Carrie and Big story wasn't worth it and neither is yours.