But none of those things are what’s the problem. The problem is that I care. I care so fucking much.
I truly believe I was born to be a teacher. I don’t think that God gave me a heart that has the capacity to love other people’s children if that weren’t the case. He made me for this.
My love comes with no bounds or ties. I love them simply because if I don’t, who will.
I care not because I want anything in return but because that’s what people do. They care for one another.
Lately, my ability to care has run out. Which kills me. I don’t want to not care. My capacity to love and care for my kids is what sets me apart.
But I’m worn out and run down and it all feels worthless. What is the point in caring and trying when they don’t get it. When they don’t see it. Or understand.
And the thing is, ultimately, I could care less. I could treat my job as an 8-5 and leave it at the door but that's not what my heart truly desires. I can't fathom the idea of always caring less about my kids because well, that's just not who I am.
This tug of war struggle I'm having with my heart stance--with whether to love and care or leave my worries at the door-- won't be around forever.
I've said it before and I'll say it again...I'll be on my way back real soon.